


Kiss Me

by xDnicki



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, M/M, this is set during the xf days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:47:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27646363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xDnicki/pseuds/xDnicki
Summary: Liam questions his sexuality and Zayn is helping him out.
Relationships: Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, mention of larry - Relationship
Kudos: 37





	Kiss Me

**Author's Note:**

> english isn't my first language. this isn't beta'd. it's pretty cute though.

It was a great day. Their performance was great and the fans were even better. The after party was fun; He watched Louis and Harry getting drunk and then making out in a corner - Tomorrow they'll blame it on the alcohol and then repeat the same routine after the show next week.   
  
Niall entertained a crowd of 10 people and Liam wondered where he gets all of that social energy from.   
  
Zayn was sitting on a table with Josh and sipped on a beer.   
  
And Liam, well. He got dragged out of the room by a girl with a short skirt and a crop top - She had a nice smile and pretty eyes and danced like it's all she is doing all day. She pressed him against the wall in the hallway that led to the bathrooms and supported her weight against the wall next to his head.   
  
Liam felt uncomfortable. The feeling in his belly was definitely not telling him to move forward with whatever the girl had in mind. He always knew that he is not feeling whatever his male friends were feeling when looking at girls.   
  
He never was in a situation like this though, so he never wanted to scratch girls completely off his maybe-in-the-future list. But the feeling in his belly was telling everything he needed to know. He pushed the girl away and escaped her trap.   
  
He went back into the dancing room and found all four of his boys standing together. He locked eyes with Louis, who gestured to him that they wanted to leave.   
  
All five made their way back to their room. Liam headed straight for the balcony, listening to the laughter from his boys quieten down as he shut the door behind himself.  
  
And now he is standing outside. The stars are rarely seen due to the street lamps in London but Liam looks up nonetheless. The door behind him opens, then closes and the scent from Zayn's deodorant fills the air around him.   
  
"Hey." Zayn says softly and comes to a stop next to Liam. His elbows rest on the railing in front of them.   
  
"Hey." Liam says back, not taking his eyes from the almost empty sky.  
  
"Everything's good?" Zayn asks and Liam can hear the worry in his voice.   
  
"Yea, just thinking."  
  
"You always do after a performance."   
  
Liam smiles softly, "Once the adrenaline has worn off, my brain decides that it's a time to over analyze stuff."  
  
"Like what?" Zayn asks.   
  
"I wonder if I'm capable to love."   
  
"What makes you think that?"   
  
Liam sighs, "I never understood what my male friends feel when they are with girls." A moment of silence falls between them. "I guess I am scared."   
  
"Scared of what?" Zayn asks gentle and turns to look at Liam.   
  
Liam looks back at him. "I know that I feel nothing, in the sexual and romantic way, towards girls. I-" Liam swallows and looks back at the sky, "I know that I feel something for boys but I am too scared to- you know, be open for it. Because what if I feel nothing during a kiss." Zayn opens his mouth to say something but Liam cuts him off, "I am a robot, Zayn. A robot with no emotions. A robot who is not capable to love." He rants.   
  
"You are not a robot, Liam. Regardless if you would feel something or not."   
  
"Have you ever-" Liam begins but trails off. He glances over to Zayn and sees him smiling at the sky.   
  
"Kissed a boy?" Zayn finishes and looks over at Liam.   
  
Liam nods.   
  
"No." Zayn says. "But I thought about it. I am bi."  
  
Liam blinks at him, processing that information. He turns back around and finds a star blinking lonely between him and Zayn.   
  
"You said, you feel something for boys but you are also scared to kiss one?"   
  
"It sounds so stupid." Liam says and shakes his head.   
  
"It's not, Liam."   
  
"It's just," Liam says and turns to face Zayn. "What if I kiss a guy and don't feel anything, that scares me. But I am also scared of feeling something, you know. What does it mean? What does it make me? What will parents say? Or my family? Or my friends? Or the fans?" Liam rambles.   
  
Zayn steps forward and lays both of his hands on Liam's shoulders. "It will be fine." Zayn says calm. "If you kiss a boy and you feel something, then that is all. It's just a feeling. A feeling that will make you feel good. It doesn't have to be anything else. You decide that, Liam."   
  
"But what if I'm gay?" Liam whispers.   
  
"It's just a label. Labels can be good. It can help us giving a word to feelings or to experiences. But labels aren't for everyone." Zayn says.   
  
"I feel lost, Zayn."   
  
"You might be lost. But you are not alone." Zayn replies and pulls Liam into his arms.   
  
"But what if I'm really dead inside?"  
  
Zayn tilts his head to the side, "There's only one way to find out."   
  
Liam asks a question with his eyes that he doesn't say out loud.  
  
"Kiss me." Zayn offers.  
  
"You are drunk." Liam says without hesitation.  
  
"Not really no. I had only one beer all night." Zayn replies.  
  
Liam chuckles, "That's crazy, Zayn. Good night." He says and steps away from the railing. "But thank you." He says.   
  
Zayn gives a nod.   
  
Liam feels Zayn's eyes on his back until he disappears inside.  
  
*  
  
It was a long week of rehearsals. Tomorrow is another show and the boys have the evening off. Louis, Harry and Niall are somewhere in the house with the other contestants but Zayn and Liam stayed in their room to relax.  
  
Liam's reading something on his bed and Zayn is working on his drawing on the floor. He usually goes into a hyper focus whenever he is drawing but ever since their talk last week, he notices every time Liam glances his way. And Liam's been doing that a lot lately.   
  
"You know, I notice you looking over at me." Zayn speaks up without taking his eyes off the drawing.   
  
"Oh." Liam says. Zayn knows Liam is blushing without having to look at him. "Sorry."   
  
Zayn looks up this time, "It's fine. Is there anything on your mind?" He asks.   
  
Liam drops his eyes from Zayn. "I-uhm," Liam starts, "I have been thinking about- you know," he cuts off and furrows his eyebrows.   
  
"You mean the kiss?" Zayn says. He has a smile on his lips now. It's not a teasing one though, it's a gentle one.   
  
Liam nods.   
  
"The offer is still standing, if that's what you are trying to ask." Zayn says.   
  
Liam starts chewing nervously on his lip, "No, I-" he starts. Then he dares to look at Zayn. "I don't know."   
  
"Come on," Zayn starts and stands up from his spot on the floor. "You must know if you want to kiss me." He says and sits down on the bed close to Liam, but not too close to enter Liam's personal space.   
  
Liam tucks his bottom lip between his teeth, "I don't know." He repeats.  
  
"Close your eyes."   
  
Liam furrows his eyebrows.   
  
"I am not going to kiss you. Just wanna help you figure it out."   
  
Liam lets his bottom lip go and closes his eyes.   
  
"Think about it." Zayn's soft voice echoes through the room. "Imagine it." He continues. "Be brave Liam." A moment of silence fills room.   
  
Zayn's voice is calming. And his presence is grounding. It's almost like Liam could do anything as long as Zayn is right here. And then, Liam lets go. Liam lets his fantasy change the moment they are in.   
  
In his fantasy, Zayn scoots closer and cups his face in his hands. Then he pulls him in until their noses touch. He can only imagine what it must feel like to feel Zayn's breath on his lips. There is this feeling in his belly. Liam is pretty sure that's a mix between want and desire. He swallows thickly. He feels hot. He shudders. He licks his lips and then fantasy Zayn leans in and presses his lips on-top of Liam's. Even though it's only a fantasy, he feels his stomach flip and a shudder goes through him.   
  
"You don't have to answer the next question out loud." Zayn whispers. "Did you feel something?" He adds a few moments later.   
  
Yes. Liam thinks. "Yes." Liam says and opens his eyes. Their eyes lock. Zayn's giving him an encouraging nod, for him to continue if he wants to. "I never-" Liam starts, "I never was able to go this far, you know, with the fantasy. To fantasize about kissing a guy." Liam admits.   
  
"Did it feel good?" Zayn asks then.   
  
"Yes." Liam's eyes drop to Zayn's lips for a second, before he looks up again. He blushes, knowing Zayn must have noticed.   
  
"Do you think-" Liam starts, "That I only felt something because it was in my fantasy?"   
  
"You mean, because you wanted to feel something?" Zayn asks.   
  
Liam nods.  
  
"Did you want to feel something?" Zayn asks.  
  
Liam opens his mouth but closes it again. "I want to try." He says then, confident.   
  
"Kissing me?" Zayn asks.   
  
"Yes." Liam replies.   
  
"Ok." Zayn says. "With tongue or without?"  
  
Liam blinks at him. "I thought about a peck." He says. "I don't think I'm good at snogging. I don't want you to learn that through first-hand experience."   
  
"Don't talk yourself down like that, Liam." Zayn says. "We could start with a peck and if you feel comfortable with it, we can try and deepen it. I can show you a thing or two."   
  
"We always talk about me and with whatever makes me feel comfortable." Liam starts. "What about you?"   
  
"If I wouldn't be fine with it, I wouldn't have had suggested it." Zayn says.   
  
Liam wants to ask why but he also doesn't want to know the answer. So, he listens to his gut instead of his brain. "Ok." He says then.   
  
"Is there a fantasy you have for your last first kiss?" Zayn asks.  
  
Liam snorts. It relaxes him. "No. It's your choice."   
  
Zayn licks his lips and scoots closer. He closes the book on Liam's lap and places it on the other side of the bed.   
  
Just like in Liam's fantasy, Zayn cups Liam's face with his hands and pulls him in until their noses touch. Zayn's thumbs wipe a few times over Liam's cheekbones. Their eyes skip back and forth for a moment.  
  
Then Liam closes his eyes. He feels Zayn's breath on his lips. The moments pass by and Liam wonders why it's taking Zayn so long. But he is glad for the moment, too. He enjoys the feeling bubbling in his belly. But then Zayn tights the grip on his face. Liam catches his breath. And then Zayn's lips connect with Liam's.   
  
The feeling in his belly is nothing compared to the one in his fantasy. He even groans; it's coming from the back of his throat. It's over so quickly though. It was a soft brush of lips. It wasn't even two seconds. It probably wasn't even one.   
  
Zayn is still holding on to Liam's face but there is now enough distance between them so their noses don't touch anymore. Too much distance for Liam's liking.   
  
"Z." Liam says. It's more of a beg though and Liam hopes Zayn can read that one plea just like the other ones.   
  
"Tell me, Li. Don't make me guess this time."   
  
Liam opens his eyes and looks right into Zayn's. "Kiss me again."  
  
Zayn pulls him in again. At first, it's a few short pecks until Liam grips Zayn's collar. It encourages Zayn to shove his tongue into Liam's mouth. Liam reacts by bucking his hips forward.   
  
"Didn't think you'd be this responsive." Zayn says, teasing, slightly out of breath.   
  
"Never been kissed like this before." Liam admits.   
  
Zayn smiles at him and wipes at his mouth where some salvia was stuck.   
  
"Did that help?" Zayn asks, then.   
  
Liam drops his eyes from Zayn for a moment, "Well, my original question is answered. But I am now left with another one."   
  
"Which one?" Zayn asks curious.   
  
"What do I do when I never want to stop kissing my band mate?"   
  
Zayn laughs. His whole body shakes. He recovers quickly though and leans in again, "Think I have a solution for that." He says and presses his lips to Liam's again.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading :)


End file.
